The Ballsy Castrato

by Jessica McHugh (9/28/11)

While Vienna found its Figaro
And Shays was at its start,
A novice to the opera scene
With angel voice and lion heart,
Declared a moonlight mission
To vex villains with vibrato.
All criminals were loathe to face
The Ballsy Castrato.

Never one to fight with steel,

The Castrato fought with words,

Driving dregs to their knees

With a song to rival birds'.

Subduing them with a voice

To match Vincenzo dal Prato,

Was the operatic officer,

The Ballsy Castrato.

He scoured every alleyway,
Each street and public house.
He trailed suspicious persons:
From thief to violent souse.

He'd nab them without clamor

And then warble out his motto:

“I'll sing you into Sing Sing”,

Trilled The Ballsy Castrato.

His regard spread far and wide,

But no one knew his name,

Save for the iffy moniker

That became his claim to fame.

He begged his fans from sea to sea,

“Please do call me 'Otto'.

I just can't stand the epithet

'The Ballsy Castrato'.”

But people loved their morons,

Of “oxy”, kith, and kin.

They wouldn't call him “Otto”

Nor stop their derision.

He sang his final bandit song

And heard his final bravo.

He disappeared that very day,
The Ballsy Castrato.

Now criminals are rampant,
And the streets are overrun
With tuneless bobbies seeking
But not catching anyone.
Still, people do remember
The man hidden in a grotto:
An ex-soprano sentinel
They now call "Eunuch Otto".